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professorsnape394 · 2 months ago

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DAY 15: Making Amends

Pairing: Severus Snape x Reader

Rating: 🥵?

Prompt: Treat

Summary: Y/N makes it up to Snape for playing a careless prank.

A/N: Part 2 in the 'Trick' and 'Treat' prompts.

Warnings: Mention of wet dreams. Seduction/teasing tactics.

Word Count: 1731

Credits to Gif Creator.

Severus pushed me up against the wall of his classroom, planted on hand just above my head and leaned down towards me.

I stood frozen, looking up at him hungrily, struggling to fully catch my breath.

His gaze dropped to my lips, as he licked his.

I watched on in anticipation. Slowly, then all at once, Severus captured my mouth with his, kissing me with a passion I had never before experienced.

His tongue pushed past my lips and I moaned instinctively. His hand dropped from my waist, fingertips brushing along the inside of my thigh until finally his hand slipped between my legs.

“Severus.” I panted, throwing my head back onto my pillow.

I moaned his name again, touching myself as I dreamed of his hand in place of mine.

This wasn’t the first time this week I had found myself getting off while dreaming of my colleague. In fact, there wasn’t much on my mind lately besides him.

After he was forced to confess his feelings for me the other day, I was overcome with guilt for how I reacted to our disagreement. So much so I couldn’t help but expose myself for my foolish decision. Unfortunately, his good-natured attitude was a side effect of the truth serum which instantly disappeared when I told him I was the one responsible.

“You did this to me?” His soft eyes had hardened once again into a stern glare.

“It was a mistake, I admit. And it didn’t exactly go how I had planned but I was mad at you and I didn’t know how else to make you see reason.” I rambled, realising I probably should have kept my mouth shut.

“So you thought a childish prank was the answer? You almost made me lose my job.”

“I know and I felt terrible about it. Which is exactly why I came to help you.” I pleaded.

“And here I thought you came to my aid because you cared.” He sneered.

“I do care, Severus. We’re colleagues, friends even, of course I care about you.” I could see from his reaction this was not the answer he wanted to hear.

“Get out.” He demanded.

“Please, Severus. I didn’t mean know how far it would go. Can we please put it behind us.”

“I don’t want to see you step foot in my office ever again, Miss Y/L/N.”

“Severus, please.”

“I said; GET OUT.”

Unable to get the thought of Severus out of my head, I blatantly ignored his warning and made my way down to the dungeons in the hopes of making it up to him.

For once Severus was not hiding behind his desk and instead stood watching an enchanted quill write instructions on his chalk board.

“I thought I told you to stay away, Professor Y/LN.” He said, not even turning to see that it was me.

At least he called me Professor, that’s a small improvement.

“I thought once I gave you a bit of time to cool down, we could talk about it.” I spoke softly.

“I have no desire to talk to you about anything.”

“Fine. We don’t need to talk.” I shrugged

“Glad we agree on something.”

“But let me make it up to you, I’ll take you out for dinner; my treat.”

“I don’t need your pity, Miss Y/L/N.” Severus finally turned to face me. “I do not need you to humour my affections by going to dinner with me.”

“It’s not pity, and I’m not humouring you. I want to go to dinner with you. Plus, It might be nice to spend some time with you when I’m not blinded by rage.”

“Unfortunately, I cannot say the same for myself.”

“Why don’t we see how you feel later tonight then, huh? I’ll swing back around at about 6 o’clock.”

“I will not be going to dinner with you Professor Y/L/N. I beg you do not show up here again.”

Yet another warning I chose to ignore and instead spent rest of the day getting ready for our dinner.

Not only was I hoping to earn Severus’ forgiveness but I was also hoping I would be discuss my own confusing feelings for him, provided the night went well.

Having spent the evening getting ready with Severus’ reaction in mind, I was not disappointed by the look on his face when he opened the door to me.

Despite still holding a grudge for my misjudged prank, he could not hide the look of appreciation that flicked over my body at the sight of me. I wore a short red dress, that was just a few inches short of risky and came with a revealing neckline that bordered on inappropriate for a school professor to wear walking about the halls. I painted my lips to match the exact shade of red on my body. Severus’ eyes lingered on my chest for a second too long before dragging down my tanned legs to my crimson stiletto heels.

He swallowed and tried to regain his focus on my face, but even then, he failed to hide his erratic breathing.

“I told you; I don’t need your pity.” He snapped, fighting past his initial surprise.

“How many times do I have to say it, this isn’t pity, Severus. This is me wanting to spend my Saturday night having a nice meal with man I can’t stop thinking about.” I blurted.

“This won’t work on me.” He eyed me suspiciously.

“I have no idea what you mean.” I smiled cheekily.

Sighing, Severus gave in to the side of his brain that had a soft spot for me.

“One meal.” He agreed. “This does not mean I forgive you for what you have done.”

“Of course not.” I smiled. “Bring your coat, it’s cold out.”

Severus walked with me in silence all the way to Hogsmeade, trying his best to maintain his icy demeanour, but failed to disguise the longing glances he had when he thought I wasn’t looking.

“Don’t tell me you’re still mad at me.” I asked after we had finished dinner. While he had begrudgingly engaged in conversation with me, the stony look on his face had not budged. He leaned back in his chair; brows furrowed and folded his arms across his chest.

“You almost got me fired.” He stated, matter-of-factly.

“Fine, okay, I admit I had a small lapse in judgement, but I’m trying to apologise here.”

“Not hard enough.” He enunciated.

“Okay fine, dinner isn’t enough for you, I get it. But maybe there’s another way I can make it up to you.”

I mirrored his movements; leaning back in my chair and crossing my arms over my chest. It was hard to miss the way Severus’ eyes flicked quickly down to my breasts, appreciatingly the way my arms pushed them slightly out of my dress. I bit my lip, locking eyes with the Professor. He eyed me suspiciously.

Pointing my toe, I ran my heeled foot up the inner seem of his trouser leg, rubbing against the inside of his thigh seductively.

“What do you think you are doing.” His eyes widened at our contact.

“Don’t you like it?” I teased, conscious that my foot was nearing his crotch.

“People can see us.” He said through gritted teeth.

“That isn’t a no.” I smiled.

“It’s not funny, Y/N.”

“I’m not laughing.”

“I have never met a more infuriating woman in my life.”

“And yet you still came to dinner with me.”

Severus looked huffed, clenching his jaw harder.

“It was hard to say no to you looking like that.” His voice was barely more than a whisper.

“Glad to hear it.” I blushed.

The table fell into silence as the tension between us grew.

“I haven’t stopped thinking about you, you know.” I finally admitted now I had his full attention.

“What?”

“Since you told me how you felt. I haven’t been able to get you out of my head.”

“Now you know how it feels to be me.” He said begrudgingly.

“I don’t know…” I trailed off. “Are you having wet dreams about me often?”

“What?” His pale skin turned scarlet.

“Because that’s how much I can’t stop thinking about you, Severus. I’ve been touching myself every day thinking about what it would be like for you to do the same.”

“Is that so?”

“Mhm.” I hummed, losing myself in his dark eyes.

“I think we have more than outstayed our welcome here, don’t you think? I suggest we go somewhere a little more… private.”

Now it was my turn to blush, a shy smile taking over the entire bottom half of my face.

Severus led me out of the restaurant, down the cobbled streets of Hogsmeade. Seeing me shiver, Severus draped his cloak over my shoulders, taking my hand in his to steady me on my feet as we rushed our way back to the castle.

Tired of waiting I grabbed him by the shirt and pulled his body into mine upon entering the warmth of the castle.

“Kiss me, Severus.” I demanded.

He hesitated.

“What if someone sees.”

“I don’t care.”

Before the words had even left my lips his mouth was on me. Kissing, licking and biting his way across my neck, chest and eventually my lips. He dominated my mouth possessively, staking claim over me as his and only his.

My hands clung to his shirt, frozen in the spot where I pulled him into me, never wanting to let go. Conversely, Severus’s hands roamed my body like he had been waiting his whole life just to see how what I felt like, and he wasn’t going to miss his opportunity to touch absolutely everywhere.

Like a dream come true Severus hands found there way to my inner thigh, only this time my whole body shivered with goosebumps, and they weren’t from the cold. I gasped when I felt his fingers run along the fabric of my soaked underwear.

“Maybe we should go somewhere more private.” I suggest, struggling to catch my breath.

Severus nodded, removing his hand from beneath my dress.

As we made our way back to the dungeons, all I could think of was how I was going to make it up to Severus for what I had done to him. One thing was for sure though, it would be a treat he’d never forget.

Taglist:

@ayamenimthiriel @lizlil @entirelymesmerising @mikariell95 @snapefiction @a-queen-and-her-throne @amazingzou @peridot-pineapple @snapesno1thighrider @kittenlittle24 @forfaehou @caseydoodles98

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anemonelovesfiction · 7 months ago

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14~ Makeup Sex

Aged Up! Ao’nung x Sully! Omatikaya Reader

Warnings ⚠️: Ao’nung being a jerk but asking reader for forgiveness, Fingering, eating out, Pathetic grinding in sand

Not Proofread

MDNI 🔞

Something else here

Word count: 1.6k

“Why should I forgive you?” I asked him with my arms crossed along my chest, my own anger had been radiating off of my body as he had the audacity to pull me away from my family for a stupid half assed apology, at this point I didn’t Even want to be near him as I was tempted to smack the ever-living-shit out of him, but it had been my own fault for wanting to be the nicer person to be willing to hear him out, although at this moment I wish I hadn’t been gracious enough to have done that.

“Because what I said was a mistake, I was wrong for saying everything I said and I regret it, I’m hoping you can forgive me.” He spoke in a gentler tone than the one he was usually using around myself and my family, making my heart ache slightly as I could sense his genuine self beginning to show, but the fury I’d been feeling was winning as I looked up at him, my voice strong before stating the following.

“Why, so you can say that a four-fingered freak accepted your fake apology and how naive I was for doing so?” I asked as I threw the insult I’d heard him say back at him, letting him know I wasn’t going to let it slide that easily, what he said had really hurt my feelings, and I didn’t want to be on the receiving end of it anymore.

“I should not have said those words to describe you.” He stated quickly.

“You shouldn’t have used those words at all!” I stated angrily as I uncrossed my arms as I let them hang toward my sides, my heart burning at this moment as I thought about slapping him, but refusing from causing anymore problems between ourselves and the reef clan.

“It is why I am apologizing to you as well.” He stated rather sternly and it piques my interest as my ears perk up at his choice of words, my eyes going over toward his, as a means to find if this were part of some ruse.

“As well?” I asked in a softer voice as he nods.

“I have apologized to Kiri, Neteyam, and Lo’ak but needed to work up the courage to speak with you.” He stated in an even toned voice and for a second I could sense how genuine he was being, but another part of me didn’t want to believe he could be so sincere, I squint my eyes as I stare at him, eyeing him up and down before settling to look past him.

I click my tongue at my own frustration, and partial disbelief at his apology, but there were moments that we would spend when he would use this tone of voice with me whenever nobody was around. We had been together for a little while and he’d never given me a reason to dislike him, until his comments were shared about how mine, my brother, and my sister had four fingers when no other Na’Vi did.

“Show me.” I stated rather boldly as I finally bring myself to look into his eyes again. I could see the confusion swimming in his aquamarine’s as he looks back at me, even in the moonlight he looked as handsome as ever, and I hated that I still felt this way toward him even after he hurt me.

“Show you-“ He trails off at the end, unsure of what to say or how to respond to what I had proposed, his confusion evident in his tone as well.

“Show me how sorry you are.” I stated as I recrossed my arms, quirking up a hairy brow as I stared up at him. It was at this moment that I realized a shiny coating on his bruise, likely a salve his sister or his mother had placed on his bruise in an attempt to help it heal quicker. I ought to thank Lo’ak again for having mine and Kiri’s with how quick he was to defend us.

“Come with me.” He stated rather quickly as he extends his hand for me to take, I look down at his hand and back at him, ready to take a quick jab at him for wanting to hold a freak’s hand but I bit my tongue as I extended my own hand toward his. He grasps my hand gently and turns quickly.

_________

I planted another kiss onto her neck as I made my way down toward the skin of her shoulder, playfully nipping, hearing the sweetest of melodies being released from between her lips, I continued making my way down her shoulder and onto her collarbones.

“You’re such a tease,” She rebuts, I lifted my head off her collar bones to give her a smile, hoisting my body up in a quick action to plant a kiss on her cheek, kissing down on her chest once more, between the valley of her breasts and onto her stomach, beginning to admire the beautiful tanhì glowing in the night.

I kiss two of them and hear her gasp as goosebumps fill her stomach, I couldn’t deny myself any longer and settled myself between her legs, my body had been between them, gently prying them open, my hands had carefully placed themselves onto the plush skin of her thighs, pushing them further apart as the most arousing smell flurries up my nose and I could feel myself beginning to drool.

However ramped up I had been to eat her out I had to remember I was doing this for her, not for myself, I leaned down and take a big whiff of her cunt, my eyes rolling to the back of my head as I commit the scent to memory, bringing my tongue from the confines of my mouth and licking a fat stripe onto the lips of her cunt, hearing her gasp quickly.

I’d taken notice of the fingers on her hand sinking deeper into the sand of the beach we were currently on, how dumb I must have been to have made fun of her for something she couldn’t control, something so alien yet part of who she was.

I take a second to lick a second stripe onto her cunt, assuring I added more pressure onto her closed flower and tasting the slightest bit of nectar reaching my tongue, not knowing she would have tasted this sweet, digging my tongue back down into her and greedily pushing deeper to taste her once more, groaning incessantly I hot the treasure trove and dip my tongue into her slit past her hole.

“Ao’nung!” She stated in a shocked voice as one of her thighs smushes onto my face in an attempt to close her legs on me, I groan in frustration as I pull her thighs far apart and spread her eagle, wanting to reprimand her from attempting to cut me off my supply but refusing to waste anymore time not tasting her.

I could only hold eye contact with her as my tongue delves deep into her, my tastebuds erupting in her flavor, seeing her bite her lip as a moan manages to slip past either way, feeling myself growing hard at her reaction, keeping my hands onto her thighs I take my tongue and swipe it up her slit, capturing her clit and giving it a flick of my tongue, feeling as her hips jerk away from my tongue only to be pushed back harder seconds later.

I slap her thigh gently in an attempt to let her know I didn’t want her to close her legs on me again.

“Okay,” She pants out in understanding and once I let go of her thigh I fear she’ll close her legs but am not greeted with her thigh smushing the side of my face and grow happy, rewarding her with two of my fingers inserting her cunt, ears flicking as she moans once they are placed in her.

I scissor my fingers to stretch her open and prepare her for my length and set a slow pace with them, her hips move on their own accord as she attempts to take in more of them at a faster pace and I hold back a chuckle at how greedy and impatient she is growing.

“Please go faster-“ She murmurs as I look up toward her, capturing her stare, watching as her own hands -seemingly in her control- reach up toward her own nipples, running her thumbs across the already hardened buds.

I set a faster pace with my fingers and hear another squeal emitted from her as I put myself to work, knowing this is exactly what she had wanted, feeling myself grind onto the sand beneath me in an attempt to feel some sort of relief from my hardened cock and not feeling anything but frustration.

“I’m coming,” She stated, my eyes travel up toward hers in time to see her eyes roll behind her head, her hands squeezing onto her breasts and her hips bucking as her walls spasm over my fingers, I kept my mouth on her and my fingers moving as I coaxed her orgasm out.

Her walls were slow to stop their rhythmic squeeze on my fingers, my licks ceasing as I finally take my mouth off of her and sigh, allowing myself to a big breath after a while of not breathing, waiting for her eyes to open, and once they do she’s staring at me.

“Do you forgive me now?” I asked as a blush spreads through my cheeks as my next question rises to my head.

“Yes, I forgive you,” she pants out as her body goes slack against the sand, her chest heaving as she attempt to catch her breath.

“Enough to suck me off?”

#HeatwaveInPandora2024 #avatar #avatar smut #avatar the way of water smut #afab reader #avatar the way of water #aonung x reader #aonung #aonung x reader smut

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inhuman-obey-me · 4 days ago

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Barbatos and 8 because chaos 😈😈😈 (you guys are my favs congrats of 100k!!!!!)

Barbatos + 8: "Dead Walk" - Redhook

Rewriting the past means living without consequences. What freedom, for a demon to exist this way.

"Did you do something you need to atone for?"

Barbatos chuckles regretfully across the table at you.

"Indeed. Something I can never hope to undo."

He begins to reach over the table as if to take your hand, but he pauses just before his fingers can touch yours and withdraws, seemingly thinking better of it.

"A long time ago, before I came to serve the Young Master, I used to travel through the realms freely. Sometimes even through space and time. I never thought to think twice about the feelings of others I met along the way…nor in how my actions may or may not affect them."

Yes, his life back then — a life without consequences, or so he'd thought. Pop a portal here, twist a timeline there, and it was as though he'd never been there at all. Back then, it was nothing more to him than a trivial use of his power, and who was anyone to tell such a powerful demon not to do as he liked?

Well, you, for one. That's always been something charmingly strange about you — your willingness to throw yourself in harm's way and assert your opinion of how those as powerful as those demon brothers should act, even before you had made your pacts with them.

You tilt your head questioningly at him, waiting for him to continue, and he pulls back to himself, putting on a simple smile to reassure you.

"It was that mindset that led to me making a terrible mistake. One that…ended up having a great effect on the lives of Solomon and the Young Master."

He goes quiet again, remembering the moment he'd realized what he'd done — the desperate tremble in the young prince's voice, the lonely tears in his little eyes as he begged his one rare visitor to stay with him at the castle. He'd been too young to understand that Barbatos himself was the reason he lived that way.

If he were to find out now, of course, Barbatos fears how things would change. Diavolo is too just to allow Barbatos to assign himself this penitence forever, even if he did genuinely take joy in keeping himself by the royal's side. He didn't mind never using his powers without explicit instruction from his master; it had been his own suggestion. And was it so bad to chain himself, really, if he'd placed the shackles upon himself?

He'd tasted enough freedom to come to regret it.

"What kind of effect?" you prod, pulling him back to the present again with a tug on his hands, which he'd apparently placed over yours after all while lost in his thoughts.

He frowns and sits back abruptly. "I am not able to tell you the details of that yet," he snaps, immediately regretting how harsh the words come out. He tries again, more gently, "Forgive me for bringing it up. I didn't mean for the conversation to turn this way. It's rare for me to start talking about myself."

After all, it wouldn't do for the past to come back to haunt him. He'd gotten by this long without his secrets coming out; he didn't intend to start revealing them now.

But then, why had he confessed to you even this much?

"Perhaps a part of me just wanted you to understand a little more about myself."

You blush a little bit, bringing another careful smile to his face.

A part of him — just a small part, one he's suppressed for centuries now — thinks of how nice it would be to affect your feelings, your life. To leave some impression of his existence upon you.

Why else would he want you to understand him?

He feels the temptation to tell you on his tongue, in his teeth.

But, no. He'd decided to bury that old self — nailed the coffin shut on it, and wouldn't let it rise again. So that the consequences he'd always escaped wouldn't bury everything he cared about now.

That past must remain secret.

He won't go back to what he's always been.

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finalacts · 12 days ago

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something i've been thinking about with pluto is how the core three--ai, oom, and may--all have prescribed "roles" in their tangled mess of a relationship and how that has made it incredibly difficult for each character to see themselves and each other as People outside of those roles. this is where i think their core miscommunication happens, because it's not that the characters don't talk, it's more that they are constantly talking at or past each other, not to.

aioon and oaboom are obvious--aioon's the dutiful older sister, selfless to the point of being self-sacrificial, and oaboom's the overshadowed younger sister, precious only because her "weakness"** requires more attention. for aioon, moving forward is going to look like figuring out how to be a good sister/granddaughter without giving up her sense of self, and learning that these two things are actually one and the same--as we've seen, every time she sacrifices her happiness for what she thinks others want from her, it actually comes back to bite her in the ass. for oaboom, it's unlearning the belief that she is a burden because of her illness and learning that her ability to be loved is innate and does/should not need to be externally validated. for them both, it's going to include forgiving themselves and each other for their parents' deaths and all of the childhood hurts that ensued.

may is a little trickier to figure out, and i think i've settled on hers being that her identity and worldview--her role, literally--is almost entirely defined by that first interaction (one that aioon doesn't even remember, mind you). not only is attaching your entire sense of self to someone else's love for you just unhealthy in general, i actually think she spends quite a significant portion of the series unable to see aioon in her entirety because of it (not to mention how it basically caused the mess that was her relationship with oom). to her, aioon is still that teenage girl who showed her she was worth fighting for and how to fight--she's her savior. may's attachment to aioon is all encompassing, and it is devastating. it's why may keeps making aioon promise to choose her over everything else, not realizing that aioon (as she is now) would never be able to deliver. it's why her manipulations (lovebombing aioon every time she tries to tell her the truth or leave) ultimately don't work--aioon is not driven by love the same way she is. for aioon, that first meeting is inconsequential. it's not her lifeforce the way it is may's.

given all of this and the breakup at the end of ep 11, i think the only way forward for may is to figure out who she is outside of aioon--specifically, outside of this need to be loved by aioon. who is may as a person, an attorney, a cousin, a friend, when she doesn't have aioon guiding her (physically or otherwise)? personally, it's the only way i can see their relationship balancing out: may needs to have other things driving her the way aioon is driven by her family and friends, or else they'll just end up back where they started--with aioon leaving and may devastated.

ideally, their reunion would look something like aioon, the writer, meets metavee, the attorney, rather than aioon, may's first love, (re)meets may, aioon's twin sister's ex. a core theme in pluto is how our fixation on the past makes us unable to move forward, and how we should learn from our mistakes but not be haunted and bogged down by them. what aioon and may need is a fresh start, a chance to build upon new foundation, and i hope the ep 11 >> ep 12 time jump gives them that.

**just a quick aside mostly for myself to say that oaboom being canonically chronically ill is very interesting to me!! and i will be letting the thoughts abt that and how disability in general plays out in pluto percolate some more

#my poor meow meows. doomed by the narrative. victim of the circumstances they created with their own bare hands.#i knoww the first love thing is like central to the romance but im sorry im too much of a realist to think that's enough to sustain their r #and clearly the writers think so too womp womp #and given may's manipulations thus far being based on her belief that if she just gives ai what she's missing like what ai did for her #ai will love her back and she'll have her forever #...i think they just really need to start anew. that first meeting created this whole mess anyways 😭#also lbr ai and oom come as a pair so if oonmay ever have a chance at making it work it's going to involve oommay settling their scores #which can only happen if they loosen up on the first love narrative / don't make it as though may strung oom along all those years #pluto the series #aioon x may #oonmay #aioon ingsamak #oaboom ingsamak #may metawee #may metavee #pluto the series meta #meta

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velocesainz · 11 months ago

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Reconciliation

F1 masterlist | Main masterlist |

A/n: Here is the requested part 2! Also please send me your ideas, I’m in writers block.

Summary: read part 1 here. After a nearly marriage breaking argument and y/n walking out on Lando, he is determined to get her back at any cost.

Warnings: kinda angsty, suggestive at the end, slight fluff

Pairing: Lando x ceo!wife!reader

Lando pov:

What have I done? I just lost my unborn child and my wife in the span of a few months.

I tried to call her so many times but she refused to pick up. I went to all her estates and apartments in and around London but couldn’t find her.

I even called her parents and they said they hadn’t seen her and also expressed their dissent with me, which I totally understand.

I shouldn’t have said that to her. I knew how much the baby meant to her and I know she still is trying her best to work and handle her company.

No matter what happens or what it takes, I will get her back.

Y/n pov:

After that argument with Lando I called an Uber to my apartment in Greater London to find some peace.

He didn’t know of this apartment of mine so there was no chance he could find me.

I knew he would try and get me back as soon as he realised his mistake but I need space. What he said was vile.

I threw myself into the company work and officially came back as the CEO of l/n industries as I had taken a break for the baby.

Timeskip (6 months):

I was at my desk looking at some contracts when my door burst open to reveal the man that had shattered me a few months ago, Lando Norris.

But how did he get in? I had him blacklisted and all the security personnel knew not to let him in. My train of thought was broken as he spoke.

“Y/n baby, please hear me out! I can’t live without you. These past 6 months have been absolute hell. I love you so much and I realised almost immediately that I shouldn’t have said that. I miss you so much please forgive me, take me back into your life” he croaked out desperately

Hearing the desperation in his voice I couldn’t help but feel bad. I too missed him dearly, he was a part of my life since childhood.

I think I was finally ready to forgive him for his words after 6 months.

“Lando, I miss you too. What you said was heinous but I’m glad you’ve come to your senses. I love you too, I’ll come back only on one condition however” I replied

“Anything baby, whatever you want in the world” he immediately said

“I want you to be my personal assistant for the month. I just fired mine and I don’t have anyone at the e moment to hire” I told him.

His look of worry immediately turned into one of joy and he ran towards me and hugged me tight

“You have no idea how happy I am to have you back in my life. The last few months were so miserable for me you don’t even know” Lando whispered into my neck.

Finally my family was back. We had overcome one of the biggest hurdles we would ever face. We definitely belonged with each other.

Timeskip:

We got back home after I finished up my work at the office, it felt good to be back home.

Lando came up behind and helped me take off my coat and started kissing my neck, god did I miss his touch.

He took me to our bedroom and took off my clothing one by one.

“We’re not gonna stop until you have another baby growing in that pretty little body of yours love.” He said huskily.

Boy was this going to be a long night.

A/n: my apologies if this was too short, I didn’t really know what else to add here. Let me know your thoughts on this fic and also send me your requests. Kissies ��

#f1 #f1 x reader #f1 angst #formula 1 #formula one #lando norris #lando norris x reader #lando norris angst #lando norris x you #lando norris x y/n #lando norris smut #f1 smut

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spearsillustration · 4 months ago

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Stanley Pines X Reader

Note: This is from forever ago and I didn't really edit it, I only fixed grammar and spelling mistakes so it's pretty bad but I'll publish it for fun.

Word count: 1,224

Page number: 3.3

"This evening has drained the life out of me," I muttered with a sigh.

Entertaining all these people, and keeping the kids out of trouble was a full-time job in and of itself. This made me notice the main host himself had disappeared leaving me with all this extra work. How could he have vanished in the middle of the party without warning me?

I stepped inside to look for him. He probably wanted a moment of peace and quiet. Like I also didn't need a break. But I took a breath knowing he's been pretty stressed recently. With the agents sniffing around and everything. I stopped in my tracks when I noticed everything got quieter, a little too quiet for my liking. I stepped back outside to see that everyone was gone even the kids. That's when someone ran into me full force.

It was Dipper, who stumbled back beside Mable.

"What's going on!?" I asked as Mable and Dipper ran past me.

They didn't have to say anything before being answered.

The zombie that had been chasing after them quickly rounded the corner. I ran after the kids and made sure they safely made it inside. I swiftly grabbed the axe left by the firewood pile and fought them off the porch till I could make it inside. I slammed the door shut and locked it hoping that would help.

"What do we do? Where's Grunkle Stan?" Mable yells but he's nowhere to be found.

"We need to board up all the windows!" Dipper yells.

"We don't have time for that kiddo," I respond trying to stay as calm as possible

It didn't and the windows were being busted open. They would quickly make their way inside. I pushed them behind me to protect them. I lifted the axe and fought off the ones that came too close.

"Go upstairs," I ordered but the kids were too scared to move.

I was facing the kids when a zombie quickly grabbed my arm but I was faster and pushed it away. I hit it with the axe as hard as I could killing it. That's when Stan appeared panting, his clothes torn, and his hat gone as his hair flew in every direction from the rush. He gestured to the kids and looked me in the eyes.

"You three, attic? Now?" He yells getting all our attention.

"Grunkle...Grunkle Stan?!" Dipper gasps.

"I said now!" Stan yells again.

I pushed the kids to make them rush as I stayed alongside Stan and helped him fight off the horde that followed us. He didn't question me and we fought back to back.

"Hurry up and go, I'll be right behind you." He tells me.

I don't want to leave him but I wasn't going to question him now.

"Eat it, no eyes!" I hear Stan yell

I hear A zombie growling as I make it up the stairs. I pull the kids into a hug and comfort them.

"Anyone else wanna piece?!" Stan yells from downstairs.

I hear things crash on the floor. My worry for Stan increases as I wait for him to safely make it back us. I couldn't forgive myself for leaving him if he didn't return.

The kids rushed away from me to hold the door closed. But Stan rushes in and locks the door behind himself. He looked serious, his bat was gone and replaced with his brass knuckles. He showed the slightest sigh of relief when he knew we're okay.

"Grunkle Stan, that was amazing! Are you alright? Heh heh, well, at least you can't deny magic exists anymore, right?," Dipper nervously mutters.

The room went silent for a second before anything was said.

"Kid, I always knew," Stan says with a sigh.

Dipper looked astonished by his response.

"I'm not an idiot, Dipper! Of course, this town is weird! And the one thing I know about that weirdness is that it's dangerous!" Stan says further explaining himself. " I've been lying about it to try to keep you away from it. To try to protect you from it!"

I guess now was a better time than ever to tell the truth. I knew it was hard for Stan, and there was plenty more to say. But he was protecting the kids, one of the things I loved about him. He cared so much about his family even if he had trouble showing it.

A zombie's hand breaks through the door. We backed away to the other end of the room and stand ready to fight. Then a zombie breaks through the window. Stan punches it and watches it fall to the ground, where a crowd of zombies is staring up at the Shack. More start crawling up the outside walls. I grab onto Stan's hand for comfort and he gently rubs his thumb across my hand.

"It looks like I didn't lie well enough." He mutters under his breath almost too quiet for me to hear.

"What do we do, what do we do?" Mable panics and grabs onto my sleeve.

Dipper looked at the Journal giving no answers till he found the missing word shown by the black light.

"Invisible ink?" Stan says to himself.

(Time skip)

After everything was over I could finally breathe properly. I stayed outside to clean up a bit. Stan and the kids stayed inside to clean up all the damage. The outside fresh air always helped me when I wasn't feeling well. But what happened tonight wasn't gonna go away for a long time. I would probably just push it back and try to forget it.

Once everything looked a bit better I decided to stay outside and sit on the porch. It was peaceful now, the stars were out and I loved the view.

I hear the door creak open and Stan steps out. "What are you still doing out here?" He asks before walking over to sit beside me.

"Nothing much, enjoying the night air I guess," I responded.

"Fair enough."

"What are the kids up to?" I ask.

"They went to bed after helping clean up," he answers.

"I hope they're okay," I say wrapping my arms around myself to ease the worry. "They've been through a lot today."

"It'll be okay, their tough kids." He says wrapping his arm around my shoulder.

"I guess," I say as a small smile spreads on my face.

"Are you okay? you were pretty beat up earlier." I say looking Stan over for any sign of pain or injury.

"I'm fine so no need to worry, Are you okay?" He asks.

"Yeah, I'm fine," I say before laying my head on his shoulder.

"Just know that as long as I'm still here I'll always keep you and the kids safe. Even if it kills me." Stan whispers sending a shiver down my spine.

"That's good to know."

#gravity falls #Stanly #stanly pines #stanly pines x reader #x reader #Stan x reader #gravity falls x reader

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writing-for-life · 2 months ago

Text

Hob Gadling’s Involvement in the Transatlantic Slave Trade between the 16th and 19th Century

The Fallacy of (clumsily written) Racial Reconciliation or: Is show/Hob really different from comics!Hob

I originally wrote this a while back as a reply to someone else’s post, but since we’ve been discussing “Men of Good Fortune” (comics) and “The Sound of Her Wings” (Netflix) in our community over the past weeks, I’ve expanded on a few points of my original thoughts.

This post discusses difficult topics, systemic racism, questions of social (in)justice and problematic angles in writing. If that’s not your thing, this is the exit sign…

A question that comes up quite frequently is the following:

Is show!Hob different from comics!Hob?

Hob’s conversation with Dream in 1789 (and not just 1789) in the show has been significantly altered (compared to the comics), and it makes it tempting to believe this somehow makes him different regarding the more problematic side of his character.

In the comics, we have a bit of dialogue in 1789 that shows how deeply involved in the slave trade Hob was: “I sort of started it,” said with a hint of, dare I say, pride? And then brushing off Dream’s concerns by saying, “It’s a living.” Twice.

(They changed this to, “It’s just how it’s done”, and a shrug in the show.)

And it’s true: If this had been integrated into the show, it would have painted him in an even worse light. However, I personally think it was the wrong move to leave it out (Ferdinand Kingsley carefully voiced something along those lines as well btw). Because now the show pushed Hob’s whole involvement in the slave trade much more into the direction of, “Oopsie.”

Can we truly take leaving out the above dialogue as a hint that Hob might be a better person in the show? I’d like to really reflect on that--leaving out those comments can’t make him a better person. Even if we change his arc slightly and he “wasn’t that involved.” You’re involved, or you aren’t. There is no, “I tried a bit of slave trading and decided it wasn’t for me.” One could even argue it makes the angle of the show more problematic because it makes the slave trade a “little blip” in his timeline. Things like that can’t be a blip. I personally think the writers made a mistake here, but that’s obviously just my opinion.

If there wasn’t enough space in the show to expand on it (which I get for a side character), I feel they should have left out the slavery arc completely instead of keeping, but then minimising it (that might sound contradictory, but it only does if you don’t look at it too closely). It already didn't sit right with me 30 years ago to use slavery as a side note for showing a white person’s character development without properly examining the damage caused, and it still doesn't sit right with me now. It makes the plight of PoC a plot vehicle to centre white people’s guilt, and I always thought that’s a blind spot only white people have (and I’m white myself, to get that out of the road straightaway).

I’m not saying it couldn’t or shouldn’t have been used narratively. Or that you can’t show remorse and atonement/redemption for the most heinous acts (that’s not the same as forgiveness—I’ll get to that). Or that characters who have committed said acts are irredeemable. But it would have needed to be fleshed out instead of making it a comment in passing. Many books and movies do exactly that. But the point is that it’s never been fleshed out.

“But they had to shorten and streamline it…”—just no. Because to me (and ofc people are free to disagree), that exactly proves the point—centring the white guy while sidelining the people who suffer. I am a bit doubtful we’ll get anything remotely appropriate in the show after what we’ve already seen. Only time will tell, so I’m withholding final judgment at this point. Fact is: It is uncomfortable to watch for people with any sensitivity on the matter.

And yet, there is a lot of focus on leaving out Hob voicing his regret in 1889, since that (again) “would have painted him in a better light.”

While simultaneously regularly failing to mention that he proudly proclaimed he “invented” the triangle trade. Can we really pick and choose his traits like that? Hob is a materialistic opportunist who also has some regrets. That doesn’t mean he can’t exist as a character, or that we’re not allowed to like him (morally grey characters are often the most compelling ones). We don’t need to sanitise him though, or try to erase his problematic traits from canon. The same goes for other characters (yes, I’m looking at you, Dream, and I’m sure we’ll get to that very soon—in fact, we’re possibly starting tomorrow 🫣). If we are talking about Hob’s remorse, we are probably mostly thinking about Sunday Mourning, so I need to bring in issue #73 at this point (this is your spoiler warning if you don’t want to read ahead).

The Fallacy of Racial Reconciliation

Very plainly:

A black woman is used as a vehicle to forgive Hob. And said black woman has been written by a white male author for that sole purpose without giving her anything else to do. I personally think NG got that wrong. It was clumsy and insensitive to POC, and I really hope they change this for the show. It’s a fact that he really wasn’t good with writing black female characters in the whole run—they all get fridged in one way or another, and he even admits it in the Sandman Companion. And then turns around and basically implies that it's all okay now because “nothing bad” happens to Gwen once Morpheus is dead. She is allowed to be a vehicle for the character development of a white guy though. It’s just really insensitive, and I sincerely hope they don't put it in the show this way. And I’m glad that we're seeing hints it might not happen--at least the casting in the show hints at it (from Lucienne, Death and Rose to very likely turning Carla into a white man—we already met Carl, and that’s who he is IMHO).

There is also the not so small fact that Hob is, even in his guilt and shame (shame is always about yourself, and that’s actually very in keeping with his character), not honest with Gwen. The thing about him basically inventing the triangle trade, which he so proudly proclaimed in 1789?

The English who were so good at it? The “Jack” Hawkins he talked about in 1789? That’s actually this dude:

And Hob funded him 200 years before 1789, and enabled Hawkins. Hob was involved in what became the transatlantic slave trade well before 1789–he already funded it when he had money in the 1500s.

He carried that mindset around with him for literal hundreds of years and saw nothing wrong with it until at least (! more about that in a sec) 1789. Dream had to rub his nose in it, otherwise it wouldn’t even have occurred to him (or did it, and he just chose to ignore it--see below).

Hob has been written as a stand-in for humanity, British Imperialism and England over the centuries—with all that entails.

So how honest is he with Gwen? And how long, even after 1789, was he still involved, even after abolition in England (Somerset vs. Stewart declared slavery unlawful in England in 1772, but that wasn't true for the rest of the British Empire. Buying and selling slaves was only made illegal in 1807, while owning slaves only became unlawful with the Abolition Act of 1833, and it took another year to buy out slave owners to actually make it happen)? Because there’s still this:

“It got worse when they did [outlaw the slave trade]. You only needed one voyage in three to make a profit. You could afford to dump your cargo if… you spotted a British Man o’ War.” How does he know? Why does he have these nightmares? We can take a guess…

That’s not someone who tried it for a couple of weeks and then thought, “Sorry, my bad.” That’s someone who has been opportunistically involved from the 1500s and potentially until after slavery was unlawful in England, which it already was when he talked to Dream in 1789. So does his feigned ignorance of, "It's a living/It's how it's done?" really hold? Especially if he potentially kept going, even after that convo with Dream? When I wrote "between the 16th and 19th Century" in the header, that's exactly what I meant...

Guilt and Shame

Yes, what we see above and in all the other panels is guilt and shame. And it reminded me of this:

youtube

And I’d encourage everyone to really listen to what Jasper has to say, and sit with the feelings it brings up. Because I can still remember watching this in the George Floyd aftermath for the first time, and how deeply uncomfortable it made me—because he’s right.

Black people/PoC do not need to forgive and absolve white people from their guilt. They can if they wish to, but that’s their choice, not ours. It’s not for white people to absolve other white people from their guilt around the oppression of PoC. And that’s why it could be argued it’s not for white people to write a black character to do that in their stead either (they can of course, but then they need to live with the fact that people will call them tone-deaf). It could also be argued it is something that cannot be forgiven retrospectively, and white people need to be okay with that. It can only be worked on in the present with a view to the future. And as Jasper also so rightly points out:

The guilt is not even helpful (at least Gwen has the right sentiment there, but it’s still falls incredibly flat over all), and shame only centres ourselves.

Forgiveness vs Redemption

Hob Gadling's regrets don't make everything he did forgivable. I think it actually does the story a disservice if that’s our main takeaway, because this is truly one of the bits of The Sandman that’s written in an extremely tone-deaf manner. NG isn’t the first author who did this, but we can take something good and helpful from this, and that’s engaging with these questions instead of brushing them under the carpet—because that’s what literary analysis is about.

It should be clear that I do see Hob Gadling as narratively important because I see him as a stand-in for humanity, and more specifically, English history. And there is really so much to learn from that.

Writers can get things narratively right but still be emotionally tone-deaf due to their own blind-spots. We don’t need to assume malice, but we also don’t need to leave it entirely unchallenged.

And because of that, we can certainly see Hob as someone who has to live with his conscience, and the consequences of his actions, for the rest of his life and struggles with that (as he should). And maybe we can see him as someone who is now, finally, trying to do the work. Because that is what atonement and redemption actually mean:

Taking action to rectify past wrongs. Actively working against the harm once caused, and preventing it from ever happening again. And I hope that’s what he does, and the signs are there (but there are also still signs that he values covering up his immortality higher than e.g. telling Gwen the truth. And we can find a million excuses for why that is, but ultimately, none of them truly matter).

However, it is not the same as forgiveness from the people we have wronged. Forgiveness is not a prerequisite to redemption, although it can be a part of it if the person who has been wronged chooses to extend it. But the people Hob wronged are dead, while their descendants still need to live with the pain people like Hob caused to this very day. So while I don’t see him as irredeemable, I don’t think he needs to, or even can, be forgiven—especially not by black people (unless they choose to. But it is also fine if they don’t, and again, we need to be okay with that). And we could say, “But Gwen chose to.” To that, I say:

I wonder what Gwen would have said if he had been truly honest with her (which he wasn’t, see below panels). That wouldn’t have been an embrace is my guess…

#the sandman #sandman #dream of the endless #hob gadling #morpheus #the sandman netflix #the sandman comics #sandman meta #men of good fortune #the sound of her wings #sunday mourning #Gwen sandman #cw racism #transatlantic slave trade #triangle trade #queue

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gadriezmannsgirl · 1 year ago

Note

Believe what you want is amazing! We need part 2 if you can, love it 💕

After a long while, here's happy ending, you can read part 1 here "Believe What You Want" and the angsty second part here "Angsty Version" . Tbh, I don't know what I did here, I was falling asleep in front of my laptop💀 so yeah sorry if it isn't good😭

I took ages to do this one, I know but I've been extremely busy and sometimes I can't with myself

Believe What You Want (2) - P.G8

(Happy ending)

Summary: After realizing he fucked up, he tries his best to get you back

"I overheard them speaking that night at Fer's birthday. Victoria was going on about you and her, that your things with Y/N would end up soon... Those kind"

Pedri's mind was racing in fear and agony. "No" He whispered "Is there any possibility for Victoria to have made those burns in Y/N's skin?" "

"Well, it can be... She got out of the house around noon so..." Pedri's eyes clicked up like lightning all the dots were connecting by your side.

You were right. All this time you were.

He had been too stupid to realize that

"No" He whispered once more

"What's up, dude?"

"I fucked up bro. Big one"

...

"She doesn't answer me" Pedri said for the fifteen time in a row pacing around in his room

"And she won't answer to you" Fer said "I mean... I wouldn't answer you either"

Pedri had explained everything to the three guys in the room, Fer knowing a bit more thanks to you. And he knew that his younger brother loves you to death but he also knows that what he did, wasn't right.

"¡Joder! ¡Soy un puto idiota!" (Fuck! I'm an asshole!) Pedro yelled kicking a ball in his room crashing into one of your pictures together "No, joder... No" (No, shit... No) He hurried to pick up the picture and inspect it. It had one little scratch made from the glass, the scratch made in between the two of you.

He shook all the negative thoughts that were running in his head and changed the photo frame.

"Well, you've got to understand her" Adrián began speaking "All of this could be true and her boyfriend just choosed to not believe her"

"I did not just choose not to believe her"

"You basically did, bro" Fer hissed "I mean... If my girl tells me that I would do more than just talking with each girl separatedly"

"And not only that but you also told her your personal fights as a couple" Jesús said

"Because she's my best friend!"

"Hermano..." Fer started "That's meant to be something only for the two of you, not something for you, Victoria and Y/N" Fer shook his head "I mean... It's okay you ask someone else for an advice, like what to do or stuffs but not to rant because for that, you've your girl. The one who's in the relationship with you. The one who's with you in the goods and the bads" silence flowed into the room, Pedri's heart was beating incredibly fast "If you want her back, you need to fully work for it, Pedro. Words won't do half of the work you gotta do"

And that was it.

Pedri broke down, feeling already the loss of the love of his life not being next to him, this time a bit heavier than the past 7 days. He left you when you didn't do anything at all. He threw you and your relationship away without a good reason. Tears escaped his eyes and his breathing was erratic.

All of his thoughts were about you and imaginating a life without you in it, thanks to himself.

"I'll be back before midnight" Pedro said grabbing his phone, wallet and car keys

"Where are you going? Won't you even take a shower? You smell" Adrián said shaking his head

"He cometido un grave error con la chica que amo, en estos momentos oler bien o estar guapo es lo que menos me vale" (I've made a big mistake with the girl I love, right now I don't care if I smell or look good)

"Pedro" Fer called him before he got out of the room "Buena suerte, hermano" (Good luck, bro) Pedri for the first time ever, smiled a bit.

"Thank you"

He was going to work for your forgiveness. He will make you fall in love with him again. He will win your trust again. You'll be happy with him. You'll be with him. He was going to make sure that happen.

And for that, he needed answers.

...

"Yes, there was a (Hair color) girl, with (Type of Eyes), a bit short, she was pretty nice. Sad thing she got hurt" A boy behind the counter said hissing remembering the moment "Elianna went with her, she said it was pretty bad but nothing that some cream and care couldn't do"

"Is that girl here? Elianna?" Pedri asked hopeful

"She's on her lunch break right now" The guy answered "She has the whole shift... Is it important?"

"Yes, really important" Pedri said without a doubt

"I'll let her know. You can sit anywhere and if you want to have a drink you can tell me" Pedri nodded slowly walking away.

He didn't know how much time he was there until a redhaired girl walked up to him, he without thinking straight stood up

"My workmate said you were looking for me?"

"Are you Elianna?" She nods "I'm Pedro. I'm the boyfriend of the girl that was poured coffee all over her"

"How's she?" She asked after gasping a bit at the mention of you. "I hope she's better"

"Ah-yes, she is a bit better. Thank you for asking" Pedri nodded nervous "Can I ask you something?" The girl nodded "Who poured the coffee on her?"

"Some random girl, Y/N said the girl didn't liked her..."

"Could you maybe describe her?"

"Oh, sure!" Elianna nodded "She had long hair, brunette with blonde highlights, she used tight clothes and she wasn't as short as Y/N, she was a bit more taller, maybe just like you?"

That was exactly Victoria's description.

"She entered a few minutes before Y/N, after I gave her a box of cupcakes she just kind of ran away and then next thing I knew was that the same girl poured hot coffee on Y/N"

Pedri stood there taking in all the information

"She hasn't been here since that day" Pedri nods humming "However, Y/N has and I know for a fact that her boyfriend broke up with her thanks to his best friend" Pedri looked up at her, guilt filled over his body "Why are you behind her? She's been awful these past few days, she's recovering from your treatment, why the need of asking all of this, if you don't believe her?"

"Because I fucked up. I fucked up big time and I want to mend it"

"Wish you luck... You'll deserve it because if I was her, I wouldn't even give you the time of the day or spare you a single look" Pedri looked down in shame and regret "I need to go... You want to order something?" He shook his head

"Not feeling hungry at all" He murmured grabbing his wallet and pushing some money into the girl's hand

"You aren't ordering anything"

"For you... For the help, for the info. Thank you"

And with that Pedri stood up and left the cafeteria. As soon as his body met the Catalan air, he fought the need of crying his everything out. You were right, just like you always were.

"I shouldn't have just let it pass" He said crying to himself now in the calm of his car. "I should have done something" He lamented.

His phone lighted up with a notification he didn't care about, his focus remained on a photo from the two of you at one of his spots in Barcelona to calm down and relax.

"Please, mi niña. Tell me how to make things right, tell me it's not too late, just please..." he begged at nothing because you weren't there and you haven't been since 7 days ago.

And as reality was hitting him, he knew there could be a possibility of you not going into his life ever again. Leaving him for your own good while he was suffering.

Pedro picked up his phone and dialed his best friend Jesús's number.

"¿Aló?" (Hello?)

"You said you heard them speak that night at Fer's birthday, right? I need to know everything you heard and if you saw something too, I'm on my way to pick you up so we can talk"

"You're really working for Y/N?"

"I am" Pedri nodded "I fucked up and I'm trying to mend everything with her"

"I'm waiting for you, hermano and also..."

"¿Qué?" (What?)

"Good luck, you'll need it"

That phrase was starting to get on his nerves, he didn't liked how that sounded, because it seemed like even with all the effort he'll make, it'll not be enough to bring you back into his arms.

"Thanks bro"

...Two days later...

"Why?" Pedri said entering Victoria's house

"Hola Vic. ¿Cómo estas? ¿Qué tal va todo? Días sin verte" (Hi Vic. How are you? How's everything going? Long time not to see) She mockingly said with a smile but her smile was wipped off of her face when she saw Pedri's seriousness

"No estoy para juegos. Dime el por que has hecho eso" (I'm not in the mood for games. Tell me why you've done that)

"Done what?"

"¿Me estás tomando el pelo?" (Are you making fun of me?) Pedri hissed angry "Stop playing around and tell me... why you did all of that to Y/N?"

Victoria's face changed

"I didn't do anything"

"You did. Don't lie to me about anything because I know how things went now" Victoria's face changed

"What do you mean?"

"I know you poured hot coffee on her that day at the coffee, I know you've been telling her things behind my back about my relationship with her and stuffs, I know you poured her drink on yourself but made it look like it was her doing" Pedri shook his head not believing it "You faked things and like a fucking stupid I believed them, when the one I should've believed was my girlfriend! You damaged my relationship but I was the one breaking it for believing you, for believing my best friend"

"I let go the woman I'm in love with and it was all thanks to you because I never thought that my best friend, the one who has been besides me through my whole life could do such a thing and lie to me straight to my face!" Pedri's face was red and he never stopped to take a bit of air, he was fuming, he was angry and all he wanted to do was make Victoria disappear.

But most of all, all he wanted was to get you back.

"Those are lie-"

"If you even dare to say lie, I will pour the same drink Y/N was drinking that day at Fer's birthday, this time someone pouring it over you for real"

"She's making those things up!"

"She's making nothing up! I saw the video of the CCTV camera of the coffee shop, Jesús heard and saw the two of you at Fer's birthday and now that I connect dots, every single thing Y/N has told me, has sense now. And I hate the fact I couldn't see through it, I hate that I put my girlfriend's words in doubt all thanks to someone who didn't deserved a single look"

"Pedro, stop. You're hurting me"

"And don't you think you've hurted me before? You knew I was having troubles with her and all you wanted was to get her away from me. Why?" Nothing came out of Victoria's mouth

Your words came back to him and he blinked thrice, suddenly being brought back.

"Don't know" You sighed "As much as Victoria might love each and every single one of you, guys... I can assure you that what she said to me today and the way she said it, it wasn't a joke" You said "I'm a girl and I have a male best friend too. But I wouldn't say those kind of stuffs just as a friend or to see if she's worth and good for him" You shook your head "Es más, ni siquiera le diría algo de ese estilo a ella" (I wouldn't even tell her something like that)

"She likes you" You said after a few more seconds "And that's it"

"Can I ask you something and you answer me with the truth?" Pedri said with his heart on the edge, he waited and all he got was a simple and small nod from Victoria "Are you in love with me?"

A few seconds passed where Pedri's eyes never left Victoria's "Yes" She said softly "I am" Pedri felt the air being knocked out from his lungs "Pedrito"

"No" He shook his head looking away "No" Pedri's eyes grow watery, he couldn't believe it. Once again, you were right, his actions and words replaying in his head, the way he ignored your feelings, the way he treated you, everything was haunting him. "Don't call me Pedrito nor Pedro, Pedri, Pepi, nothing. Don't even call me, forget about me, you are not my best friend"

"Pedri, por favor, don't do this"

"No. I didn't do anything, you did it yourself. Best friends don't do what you did to me, if you truly loved me, you could've straight up tell me that not take it out on the girl I'm in love with"

"In love with? So in love you are, you did not believed a single thing from her"

"And that was my biggest mistake because I thought "Why on earth the girl that has been besides me since forever would do something to damage me or the ones I love?"" Pedri laughed ironically shaking his head "I was so wrong and I regret every single thing I did since I saw Y/N leave on Fer's birthday but guess what? I had the one I thought was my best friend besides me but I never did"

"You still have me"

"If I do, I don't care, the one I truly need isn't here" Pedri shook his head "But I did needed my best friend those seven days to tell me everything was going to be okay, that I could move on, that I was in the right and Y/N in the wrong, that I did good in breaking up with someone who could only do was lie but then I find everything out and I realized I was just a puppet in the side of your game and I fell for it"

"Don't say it like that"

"That's exactly what it was" Pedri shook his head "´Now, me disculpas pero me tengo que ir" (Excuse me but I've got to go)

"¿Y para dónde vas?" (Where are you going?)

"You shouldn't care about that, Victoria. Hope you have a good life" With that Pedri turned around and walked outside of her house when almost inside his car he heard her yell his name out

"Pedro!" He looked at her "I'm sorry"

Pedri joined his lips and nodded softly, lifting one of his hands giving her a wave before he got into the car and drove off to certain destination with a single intention.

...

"What do you mean she's not here?"

"She hasn't been here since like a week ago?" The older lady said with a smile "She said she'll come back tho"

"Do you know where she might be?"

"I don't, mijo. I'm so sorry" She looked at Pedro carefully "Is everything okay?"

"I need to know where she is so I can fix things between us" Pedro answered with a lump on his throat, his voice cracked a bit and he looked down at his shoes

The older lady sighed "I'm pretty sure you'll fix everything that may be happening with the two of you, son"

"I don't know, miss. I messed up really big this time"

"From what I've seen you love each other so much, I've never seen someone look at her in the way you do and vice versa, talking things out can be really helpfull instead of letting problems grow"

"The thing is I never let her talk and all I did was say things I shouldn't" Pedri shook his head

"You know? She's looking really pretty in those pictures, maybe you can start from there" A loud "Abuela" was heard as the older lady smiled looking over her shoulder

"What pictures?"

"Oh, you know... The ones you take, the ones you update, the ones people take, those pictures..." The woman was smiling softly "Don't let her go" And with that she left leaving Pedri sat in front of your doorstep

He was sat there analyzing the woman's words. Pictures? The ones you take? Update? People take? Pedri's mind ran 120km/h trying to guess what she meant of and after some minutes and what it felt a whole lifetime, he confused grabbed his phone and clicked on Instagram.

You liked it even more than Twitter or even Tiktok, Pedri remembered with a smile the moments where you would "fight", he; claiming Tiktok was better as you defended Instagram with your life

He typed your user with no reward, you blocked him. And it was no surprise at all but his heart still broke a little bit more when he couldn't find you.

He sighed closing his eyes and relying his head in your door, fighting the tears, it seemed like he only could do that in the past days, cry 'till he had no more tears inside of him, fight the urge to cry and feel his stomach fall to his feet. He hated feeling this way and he hated the way he must have put your through

He unlogged his session and went into his mother's, you couldn't have blocked her, could you? With shaky hands and blurry eyes he typed in your user and this time your profile was the first one to appear, the colorful circle around your picture meaning you had stories up.

While he was sad, you were in Venice with your friends and family, he recognized almost all of the faces in the pictures, all of them except one, a male's one.

That quickly catched his attention, that guy appeared in eight out of ten pictures and in all of them he was besides you. You even tagged him on one and Pedri's thumb directly went to his account.

One of the most recent post of the guy said: "I hate the fact that when I met my soulmate she had boiling coffee burns on her but I certainly don't hate the fact I got to meet you, baby!"

Pedri's stomach flipped, seeing your answers of "♥️🥰" made his head turn everywhere, in an instant he got up and headed towards the elevator in his mind only three things. His passport, Venice and you.

Due to some storms in Spain, he couldn't get out that same day and neither the next day, it was day three when he got into the plane and one day after he was in the same residence as you were.

He saw your brother and followed him, he felt like being on Matrix, he was making sure no one saw or heard him, that was until he stumbled on a vanity table and knocked half of the things that were in there

"What was that?" He heard and that's when he ran, the quitness and calm forgotten as he was desperate to find you. He took a right turn colliding with a female chest after a few seconds

"Joder, lo siento mucho" (Fuck, I'm so sorry) He said inmediately

"Pedro?" You said shocked as he also stood there impressed. You looked even more beautiful than always. Your tanned skin, your red cheeks and your Y/H color making you look perfect. "Pero, ¿Qué haces aqui? (but, what are you doing here)

"Por ti. I came here for you, I want to talk to you"

"We don't have anything to talk, in fact, you don't even have to come here, you don't have a reason to travel all the way from Barcelona to Venice"

"I did, I do. My reason is you and you'll always be. I fucked up, yeah? I get that" Pedri shakes his head "You were right" He opens his mouth but closes it "You were right all this time and I'm sorry I couldn't see it through, I'm sorry I did not take your words, I'm sorry I just kinda left and pushed your feelings aside, you deserve more, you deserve better but I can be better, I can be what you want, need and more if you want me to"

You started shaking your head, pushing him back from his chest when he tried to get closer to you.

"Pedri por favor, aquí no" (Pedri please, not here) "Pedri, stop. We don't have anything to say"

"Y/N, bonita, te lo suplico-" (I beg you-)

"Vamos al cuarto, ¿si? We can talk about whatever you want and then you leave" (Let's go to my room, yeah?)

"I don't want to leave without you"

You looked into his big brown eyes as he looked into your (Eye color) ones for a good while, you sighed before breaking eye contact

"But you have to" You said nodding slowly, Pedri shook his head

"Por favor" (Please) He whispered

"This way" You turned around walking away while Pedri watched your every move

You called the elevator and entered when it came, you turned to Pedri

"You wanna talk or not?"

Pedri nodded and walked towards it, he turned his head to look at you

"Do I have something on my face?" He hummed for a few seconds before answering

"You're beautiful" He ignored your words as you looked up at him

"Please, stop that"

"I-" He got cut off by the elevator doors opening

"This way" You said walking off as he only could follow you.

You stopped walking when you got to the door 408, with the key you opened it and then stepped inside letting the door open for him to come in as well.

You took a seat in the couch and patted the spot next to you, he took it and you both were silent.

"So... ¿Vamos a hacernos compañía o vas a decir lo que sea que quieres decir?" (Are we going to be each others company for now or you are going to speak whatever you want to say?)

"I'm sorry" He began "I fucked up. I should've listened to you and put Victoria a stop, I should've been more careful with you and your feelings, not passing through them and ignore them. I believe you, I always did and I always will do but it seemed so unreal that what I thought was my best friend, could do such a things, hurt the one I love and the one I want to spend the rest of my life with, when her whole life she was protecting me and supporting me through everything"

"If my family wasn't there, she was. If my family didn't have an advice, she had. And for you to just say she did this and said this was a whole different thing from what I knew from her that I just couldn't believe it. But it was truth. And I'm sorry once more"

"Y/N, I'll do anything for us, I'm not giving up, we're so good together, I love you so much and if only I could turn back in time and do everything right I would but I can't, however, I'm here to mend things, I'm not expecting you to forgive me and that's it. I'll earn that forgiveness, I'll protect us and I'll be better for you if you let me, please. I love you, I want you and I need you"

"It's not easy as you made it sound, Pedri"

"Pedro" You shook your head

"That's something only family and close friends can call you, right?"

"Don't do this, please"

"But you did it first" You said pushing your lips together. Those were the exact same words he had told you the night you left "You really hurted me and you just can't change that. Please, I think it's best if we let this go" You looked into his brown eyes as he was shaking his head "For both of our own goods"

"Not having you in my life it's not good for me"

"Maybe not but it's the correct thing to do" You said "I just can't trust you anymore, no matter what you do. You told me I wasn't the same girl you fell in love with, that says enough"

"But it's not true, I said it in the heat of the moment! You are still the same girl I fell in love with and you're still the same girl I want to do my life with"

You stood in silence for a few moments before you stood up "That hurt me a lot. Hearing the guy I'm terribly in love with say that I'm not that girl he fell in love with"

"Y/N-" He stood up from the couch as well

"It's done" Your voice cracked "You don't get to come here after doing that stunt back at your brother's birthday and once you realized I was in the right came straight back here to apologize, hoping for me to run back into your arms" You shook your head "You don't"

"Does he treat you good?" He said out of nowhere

"¿Acaso te la fumaste? ¿De quién estás hablando?" (Did you smoke it? Who are you talking about?) You said confused

"About your new friend! The one that appears in every single story of yours and on your posts!"

"Mason?"

"That same one" You laughed dryly

"He's gay" You blurted out "Believe me if he wasn't I would be already trying something with him since he does believe in me not like others"

"I said I was sorry"

"And I said that didn't make it. If you want me back you'll have to do a lot more than just apologizing, González"

"He seems to like you"

"He doesn't. He's here with his fiancée, they're celebrating their engagement" You remembered that night at your apartment, the night he showed you his new engagement ring and that same night he asked you to go to Venice with him and your family to get your mind out of your ex.

"I'm sorry"

"You like to apologize a lot and tend to not feel the sorry"

"I do am"

"Great, good for you. Can you please go now?" He shook his head

"No. I love you and I know I messed up but I can mend it, anything you want, think or say, I'll do it. I'll cross world wonders for you, oceans, vegetation, deserts, anything"

"I don't think you can do that, Pedri" You were at the verge of tears "I was hurt by every action and word you said, I reached the top and while I know you messed up, you could've prevented it and simply start acting like you should have but you didn't. And I can't handle that"

"Please" You said after a few minutes "I think it's time for you to go" You said walking away

He couldn't watch you walk away once more so he did what he had been wanting to do. He wrapped his arms around you and pulled you close to him, in a hug.

"No"

"Let me go"

"No"

"Let me go"

"No" His grip got tighter on you as you were fighting and at the same time, enjoying being in your exlover's arms again.

His arms were your safe space and laying your head on his chest brought you peace but now all it brought back was hurt and pain.

Hurt and pain from the situation you were going through

"Pedro, please, let me go"

"I don't want you to leave me"

"I didn't left because I wanted to" Silence flowed in between the two of you as Pedri was crying into your neck "I did because you asked me to, you made me leave, you pushed me away when all I wanted and needed was you, to stay by your side and defend our relationship" You took a breath "None of that happened and now that I'm recovering from everything, I want you to leave, I want you to go away because I can't be with someone who doesn't trust me and just throws everything out of the window without listening first" You said with closed eyes and tears running down, he chocked on a sob

"I'm sorry" He cried "For everything. I should have done a lot of things and one of them was trust you, fight for you and our love but I'm here trying to fix it, to fix us, you were giving me your everything while I wasn't and now it's my turn to pay it back until we're all good. Please, I beg you, give me just one more chance to make everything right"

You looked into his eyes as he looked into yours "Please" He whispered with tears falling down his cheeks

You were going to hate yourself so much for this but you can't lie to yourself and say you didn't want, need or love him because you did with all of your body. You were aching for him, for his kisses, for his cuddles, for his warmth, his laugh, his bad jokes, his company and love. You needed him. You wanted him. You loved him. He was the one for you.

"Please" You said shaking your head "Don't you ever do that again to me" You whispered "'Cus this is your last chance, González. I don't care if I'm dying for you, if you do it one more time, you can swear to all of your ancestors I will not take you back" Pedro's face changed to one of relief and he pulled you into his hold tightly this time tears of happiness coming out of his eyes.

"Te amo, I always will" He said crying, kissing your neck, ear, cheek, nose "Thank you so much for this opportunity, I'm very sorry, amor" He said resting his forehead against yours "You'll not regret this, I promise"

"I better not be" You smiled softly "But don't get too ahead of yourself, Pedrito. You need to work for everything back"

"I'll do. I don't care, I charmed you once, I can do it twice" You smiled softly "I missed you so much" He said hugging you once more, his face rested inside your neck as you finally felt at peace, breathing properly and safely in your lover's arms.

You were about to reply when two knocks came in and then someone entered

"Y/N, cariño. We are going to be late for the trip, weren't you so excited to see Venice's bea-Oh! Am I interrupting something?" You pulled away from Pedri shaking your head

"Para nada, Mason" (Not at all) You smiled softly drying your tears "We're good"

Mason, the guy, turned around to look at Pedri and then to you as you softly nod locking hands with Pedri

"Pedro, this is my friend, Mason. Mase, this is Pedri"

"The asshole?"

"¡Ostias!" (F*ck!)

"You were pretty much an asshole" You defended Mason with a soft smile "We can't lie" You shrug your shoulders "What's up?"

"Venice's beaches. Coming?" You nod softly

"We'll be there in a little while" You smiled

"Great!" Mason smiled "Also Pedro..." Pedri's big brown eyes went to Mason's "Hurt her again and I'll make sure you'll never be able to play football again for what's rest of your life"

"I won't"

"You better" Mason said "If I was straight I would've gone straight away after her to get her" You laughed softly

"He got your point, Mase. Give us a few minutes, we'll be downstairs quickly" You said and once the door was closed you smashed yourself against Pedri's lips "Te quiero" You said "A lot" You smiled "Please, don't let me go"

"Never again"

And with his heart full, he felt as if the stars had alligned just for him, you were his angel and he'll take good care of you now. He lefthe left the hotel. All the luck his friend wished for you and all the praying he did, were enough. His world is and will not be the same without your presence, your kindness, your laughter, your smile and your love in it, he hated himself for what he had done but thank God you give him another chance. This time, he was surely not going to lose you this time.

°°° °°° °°° °°°

Taglist: @gaviypedrisbride @stuckinaf4nfiction @elijahslover @azzpenswrld @http-isabela @pedrileclerc @shineforeversf9 @shessthunderstoms @f4iryjjosh @judespoision @notsosurehritika @jajajhaahaha @urmotheris

#gadriezmannsgirl replies #gadriezmannsgirl is writing #pedri #pedri gonzález #fc barcelona #pedri angst #pedri gonzález icons #pedri incons #Football players imagines #pedri x reader #pedri gonzalez x reader #pedri gonzalez imagine

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rainbow-starheart · 1 month ago

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I got something to say....

Hello, everyone.

I stand here today, not just to address the situation that’s been affecting me, but to talk about the journey I’ve been on. This journey has been filled with challenges, accusations, and misunderstandings, but also with self-reflection, growth, and the desire to learn from my past mistakes.

First, let me acknowledge the toll that this situation has taken on my mental health. It hasn't been easy to deal with constant harassment, false accusations, and the overwhelming pressure of being misunderstood. But despite the pain and hurt, I remain unfazed. I stand strong because I know that my intentions have always been rooted in protecting others. It may hurt to see people turn against me, but I won't let that break me. I will continue to stand my ground.

I didn’t get here overnight. My origin was simple: I just wanted to protect. I wanted to shield others from harm, especially when I saw reckless behavior or harmful actions being taken. But I know now that I made mistakes along the way. There was a time when I was reckless myself—when I acted out of frustration instead of understanding. I tried to stop a user without considering the full consequences of my actions. Over time, I realized that the aggressive path I was taking was not the right one. So, I moved on and chose a peaceful approach. A peaceful path for myself and for those I care about.

I’ve learned a lot since then. The accusations that have been thrown my way have been hard to bear, but I’ve tried to handle them with patience and grace. I’ve learned that being overprotective can be just as damaging as being neglectful. In my attempt to shield others, I may have gone too far. I understand that now. It wasn’t just about protecting the minor in question, but about respecting her space, her growth, and her choices. As much as I care about her well-being, I’ve come to realize that I cannot control her actions. I can only offer advice, guidance, and support.

So, to the minor I’ve been looking out for—

Please listen @your-dead-girl-forever-200k, all I want you to know that my intentions have always been to keep you safe. But I also recognize that the dynamic between us has become too much, and I don't want to harm your mental health further. I do not want to encourage aggressive or reckless behavior toward Proshippers or anyone else. Please, don’t let your frustrations get the better of you. There’s a better way to deal with things—by simply blocking and avoiding those who don’t align with our views. Stalking, harassment, and aggression only hurt you in the end.

And to my fellow antis—I understand your disgust and frustrations, but we must rise above the temptation to engage in endless conflict. Stalking, harassing, and doxxing are not the actions we should be taking. These behaviors go against the moral code we claim to follow. I understand the pain of dealing with Proshippers, but we cannot allow that pain to drive us to destruction. Everyone has the right to their own choices, and if someone chooses to ship something that we find unacceptable, that is their decision, not ours to police. All we can do is warn them, avoid them, and move on.

To the people who continue to accuse and threaten me—just know that I am not the person you say I am. The false information you spread is based on misunderstandings of my past actions. I have learned, I have grown, and I continue to move forward. As a leader of my group, I realize that I must acknowledge my past mistakes and understand how they affect everything I do. I know some will never forgive me, and I accept that. But I have moved on, and I will continue to protect the Tumblr community, but now with the wisdom I’ve gained through this process.

I know that some of you won’t understand or may even continue to accuse me. But I will not leave Tumblr. I will not stop being an anti. What I will stop is being an aggressive anti. I realize now that continuing to fight in this way only causes more harm to everyone involved. It creates unnecessary conflict, it damages mental health, and it distracts us from what truly matters: protecting each other and standing for what’s right.

And to the hater who's been bothering me,I know you won't stop,not that you'll ever will, but reconsider on what your doing and that what your after,in the end,you'll end up hurting yourself too,so please,stop now and leave everyone alone

To everyone listening: I want you to know that I’ve learned my lesson. I’m not perfect, and I’ll never claim to be. But I am doing the best I can to make things right. I’m moving forward, not backward,while I may end up making mistakes along the way, I will try to learn from them from now on. I hope we can all do the same.

From now on,I do not want any of my mutuals to be harrased because of me or anything,if you all have something to say,say it to me directly, no anons asks,I want to hear you out directly and further questions,I will answer them when I have the time to, because I have a life outside here to and it's to protect my family from harm

Thank you for understanding.

And to my fellow Cosmic Guardians...thank you for still standing by my side and supporting my struggles...

@blo0st4r @vexic929 @borntobreakfree @kenakostarcat16 @boltthevolt @undertale-person @baxstarmallow06 @chibitacolord @starsdontshinetheyburn @iookingle3rd @nightfox67 @scally-wiggles716 @youwillneverknowthingsblog @hearts4ayame @antiproshipconfessions @shadowwolfmemes @your-dead-girl-forever-200k @aponibloom

And Merry Christmas 🎁🎄

#rainbow starheart #cosmic guardians #announcement #vent #personal vent #learn #growth #anti #anti proship #antis #Rainbow #Star #Heart #StarHeart #important #important message #self growth

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jasyred · 4 months ago

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"Are you okay?"

No don't touch me.

Don't touch me. Don't speak to me. Don't be near me. I am way too emotionally sensitive right now. I am trying in all the hardest ways possible to hold onto myself to keep my senses awake to not close them off to not shut down because I am absolutely either feeling everything or just nothing. Even in this moment? I am pushing you away and yet I want to pull you close I want to talk and yet at the same time I don't want, what kind of strange paradox am I?

I am raging back and forth between I want to be with you to you deserve someone who isn't me. Because I absolutely hate the way I am and the way I was and what I did to you and everyone else. I am twenty one. I should know how to regulate my emotions. That's what you said. And you're right. You're absolutely right. I should have known better. But I'm trying I'm trying FOR FUCKS SAKE I'M TRYING. I am trying not to be a bother to anyone not to be the problem to anyone not to be the one who hurts everyone anymore. And I learn and learn and ask for forgiveness saying that I'll change I'll be better yet somehow THE GHOST OF MY FATHER HIS BLOOD IN MY VEINS COMES BACK AND HAUNTS ME THE MORE I FIND MYSELF DOING THINGS I NEVER WANTED TO AND APOLOGIZING BUT THEY ALWAYS FEELING LIKE I NEVER MEAN IT THE WAY MY FATHER NEVER MEANT IT.

But I mean it. I do....

I am trying to be kind to myself trying to accept myself trying trying trying yet all of it comes back to haunt me when everytime you flinch you turn away with your back on me remembering the hurt I gave you and I realise that I did this to you. I who claimed to love you did this to you and you lost a part of yourself because of me. And the fact I did that? Throws out all the acceptance I have for myself out of the window. Because I never imagined myself to do the hurting to others. I look at you and I look at him and I look at them, they would have never done it if they were me but I did. And I hate myself even more for that. I hate myself for being so pathetically human.

I never really realised I am a bad person until I met someone like you. Someone good. So forgive me if I put on a facade and try to show only the best and perfect bits of myself because that's what I am always surrounded with. Forgive me for being dumb and stupid but I'm really trying not to be. Forgive me if I am always harsh with myself and always holding back myself smiling and pretending everything is fine because I want to keep you. I want to be with you even if sometimes I am falling apart. Even when I get haunted by my past that I am still struggling to accept. Even when I see myself becoming what I never wanted to be and regretting not being what I'm supposed to be. I can't fill my own cup on my own but yours? I'll fill it to the brim. Maybe I'm the kind of lover who'll absolutely completely drain myself to keep you happy to be with you. The kind I'd go lengths to please.

Because honestly? I don't fucking know how to please myself. I don't fucking know how to go to lengths for myself. I tell myself I'll love me. And the second moment I'm absolutely disgusted by my entire being. I have only learnt how to please others but never myself. Only learnt how to care for others but never myself. So forgive me if I don't hold myself in high regard if I fail at one task I was supposed to be absolutely good at.

Even this outburst? Scares me. Scares me because I am so weak and vulnerable right now. I am absolutely breaking but I am scared that everything I say will be misinterpreted if I don't explain myself enough. AND I HATE BEING MISUNDERSTOOD. I AM NEVER OKAY WITH IT. SO PARDON ME WHEN I AM TRYING TO EXPLAIN TO YOU THAT OH HOW MUCH I REGRET MY LIFE CHOICES MY DECISIONS MY GUILT MY MISTAKES. HOW MUCH I HATE MYSELF. BUT HOW MUCH I LOVE YOU.

How much I love you...

And that's why this will never reach to you. That's why you'll never know me because I am always masking a rotten piece of myself. Always hiding away. Because this isn't pretty love. None of me is pretty. Pretty as you. Pretty as her.

None of it my love. And I always wanna be pretty. Pretty for you pretty for everyone. Because nobody likes ugly. Whether it's a face. Or personality.

So pardon me when I break down in your absence and bloom everytime you come back.

You're the only thing that makes me, worth me.

#poetry #writing #literature #quotes #spilled ink #lit #quoted #vent post #aesthetic #art #dark academia #rant post #og post #og

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sams-venting · 2 days ago

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Do you feel proud? Does this make you feel strong, to point fingers at children, blame them for the abuse they suffered, tell everyone that it's their fault that they were hurt. That they should have known better, that it's their fault an adult hurt them. Lied to them. Told them things were okay when they weren't. Do you blame an 8-year-old for being raped too? "Oh you should have known better, this is your fault and anyone defending you needs to shut up because this is your fault."

Does it make you feel big and strong to name the accounts of victims of sexual abuse, to incite harassment towards them?

Are you getting off to this? Getting in a good wank? That's the only logical reason I can think of as to what would excuse this kind of behavior.

You can say what you will about me, about my attitude, about the things I've said, the things I've done, the mistakes I've made. I'm human, I'm not perfect, and I will never be perfect. And I'm not going to kill myself trying to be perfect for the likes of you. You who will side with the abuser every single time if it means siding against me.

You don't care about these kids and it shows. You have not lost sleep, you have not had breakdowns because you were trying to figure out how to help, you have not had long nights up comforting them, and you have not experienced the pain of feeling alone in your need to do anything you can to support them and help them heal and help them grow as people. You haven't been up until the early hours of the morning, sobbing to the only other person who knows the extent of the damage because you don't think you're doing enough, even after everything you've already done. Because you don't know who to ask for help in this and you're constantly on the front battle fields taking blows so no one else has to.

You are not the one who will make yourself a martyr for the hatred of people like you so that you can minimize the damage the actual victims of the situation receive. You are too fucking cowardly to show your face, and you mock others for not showing theirs. And you are far far too much a coward who values your own reputation too much to put it on the front lines every single time it is asked of you to prevent further harm being done. You are too much a coward to even defend your own opinion with your actual account, while people who value these children are putting everything they've worked for at risk for them.

You don't care about victims. You don't care about raising awareness of abusers. You just want to fester in your own negativity and try to drag down the people who do care because you dislike them.

Tell me, if I were to donate a million dollars towards resources to help with CSA cases and support victims, would you agree that that is a worthy cause, or would you spew vitriolic hate, call it an attack against your personal self while hiding your identity, and tell people I'm just looking for attention? If I saved animals would I just be doing it for the praises of other people? Must everything revolve around this ideology that if someone does something that is objectively good, like bringing awareness to CSA, or shedding the light of truth on lies and liars, that they must have an underlying reason?

Do you hate me because I am good? Or do you just want an excuse to hate me because you will never be able to stand up and do what I do? Do you hate goodness, or are you envious of my will to constantly push to do what I feel is the right thing? Will you continue to hold past mistakes against me, mistakes I've made up for and have contacted individuals privately to make up for them time and time again, while continuing to tell me that I must forgive being slandered and accused and lied about?

I do not have to forgive anyone for as long as things are being misportrayed and people are trying to demonize me and my actions. When I forgive it is because people have ceased and desisted. Every lie that is spoken about me to try to damage my reputation because I was shedding light on the truth is another nail in the coffin, because this community knows who I am and what I am like. I will never need the validation from swine like you, swine who would rather eat their own shit than admit that someone who is on your side of "against the big blogs" might have a point when it comes to literal child sexual abuse. I do not need your validation because I have a vast support network of people that you seethe and gnash your teeth at because you wish so desperately that you could be in my place.

I am loved because I have made myself worthy of love. I have shed vitriolic hate, I have put aside my own gripes with people, I have kept my personal history and opinions out of this situation to the utmost best of my ability to show the unfiltered truth.

Do you know how distressing it was compiling that document? As someone who is a long term victim of CSA? To see people I love, people I care for, people who I look up to. To read their words, to see the hurt, to try to puzzle things together? Do you understand the horror of being told that your friend, someone you trusted would hurt a child in this manner?

I am upset. I am enraged. I have done so much more for these kids than the likes of you would ever dream of doing unless it was with a gun put to your head. I have done these things out of my own will, my own volition. I have purposefully took on all the attention, I have made it about me by putting it on my main. I have made myself your enemy so that you will not direct your vile vitriol towards the people who were actually hurt. And I will keep standing here, taking these shots, taking these blows, bleeding from my heart and eyes and mouth, screaming until I have no voice and still I will continue to beg and plead because that is the right thing to do. Because that is where my loyalties lie. Because that is the kind of person I am.

What kind of person are you?

#sams venting blog #tsams venting blog #ask to remove

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azalawa-scroggs · 7 months ago

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On why I think the "Prosecutor Miles Edgeworth Chooses Death" note was meant literally

I've had this in my drafts for a while after seeing a poll that elicited a little discussion on the topic. I know this is the fandom's majority take on the subject so I'll probably be preaching to the choir, but there (rightly) is discussion about it nonetheless so I felt like giving my arguments.

I'll put it under a read-more just in case people missed the warning in the tags. Considering the topic, naturally, here's a warning for discussion of suicide. Please take care of yourself!

The thing is that Justice For All is very, very ambiguous on that. It does what Ace Attorney is really good at doing - brushing a serious topic then waffling on it until it really doesn't say anything about it, giving itself the benefit of doubt but never making a statement. Both Phoenix and Franziska's dialogue strongly hint that they have a certainty that Edgeworth is still alive, and they're proven right. The narrative doesn't try really hard to sell us the idea that Edgeworth died - Edgeworth is even on the game's box art. I've watched a few JFA walkthroughs hunting for people's reaction to all the Edgeworth talk and his apparent death, and nobody really seems to buy it - either going through great confusion or immediately going like "oh he can't be dead there's no way - he's so coming back."

However. However. It's just impossible to ignore all the subtext that points at the note being real.

The game textually sets up Adrian Andrews as a foil to Franziska. In the parallel Edgeworth draws, Celeste is supposed to represent Manfred - a mentor she admired and whose guidance she lost. But it was a deliberate choice from the writers to have Celeste die by suicide. In the same game that spent a whole game-wide subplot on slowly revealing Edgeworth's apparent death by the exact same means. Edgeworth is the one who gives Phoenix the information about Adrian and Celeste's backstory. And Franziska revealed to us she wasn't seeking revenge for her father, but for her "little brother" - in the parallel between her and Adrian Andrews' stories, it's easy to see Celeste paralleling Edgeworth, not Manfred.

And in fact Adrian is also a clear parallel to Edgeworth himself. He, too, lost the guidance of his mentor and was left questioning everything. In the infamous scene where he interrogates her in the first phase of the trial, he even puts his own words in her mouth.

If you're going to say you would "choose death", that is of no concern to me.

If you consider Rise from the Ashes, Edgeworth's dialogue leaves even less room for doubt regarding his mental state. Compilation:

Edgeworth: Hmph. Some people need very little excuse to think ill of others. It's a fact of life. Impossible to stop. Some of them even go so far as to present me with toys like this… They think it's funny. (Referring to the award he was just given)

Edgeworth: Why, I ask you? Why!? All along, I've done only what I believe is right. I have nothing to be ashamed of! But still... Phoenix: (Wow, I've never seen him this out of sorts...)

Edgeworth: Hmph. I've had to live the past two years with rumors flying around. What's another allegation to me? Ema: Cheer up, Mr. Edgeworth! I'm rooting for you! Phoenix: (That's Edgeworth for you... Always trying to hide his real feelings.)

Edgeworth: There's no excuse for what I've done. Two years ago, I used false evidence to obtain a guilty verdict. That's what it all breaks down to, and nothing I do can erase that fact.

Edgeworth: I'm tired, Mr. Wright. I feel as if… something inside me has died. [...] I know the path I've walked. You don't need to tell me. And the path I've walked... hasn't been a just one. I can't forgive myself for what I've done... and no one else should forgive me either. Phoenix: (Uh oh. I think he's serious!)

Edgeworth: ... It's too late for me. No matter what anyone may say, I realized today that I can't change my own mistakes! Not only that, but I don't even trust myself anymore. Chief Gant was right...

And of course:

Edgeworth: If you'll excuse me… there are still some loose ends that need wrapping up. Take care, Chief Prosecutor. Phoenix: Edgeworth! What will you do now? Edgeworth: ... Phoenix: Well, whatever you do, just remember. What happened in this trial can either make or break you as a prosecutor. In the end, it's up to you. Edgeworth: I know... It seems I owe you my thanks too, Wright. But what I face now... is my problem. Phoenix: Edgeworth... I'll be waiting for you in court. Edgeworth:... Farewell.

I've pulled all my quotes from the wiki, which I believe takes the DS version, but the retranslation of the port makes things even more blatant. Instead of "either make or break you as a prosecutor," the line was retranslated as "You can let what happened kill the prosecutor in you, or you can let it help you grow."

I don't know how much more literal you can get.

Of course, none of this dialogue strictly refers to anything but a professional crisis for Edgeworth. But it is a true crisis, one he takes very deeply and personally - it is his entire moral system that is crumbling down. And the phrasing of some of those lines is downright chilling. "I can't forgive myself, and nobody should do it either" "I feel like something inside me has died" "It's too late for me" or even those ominous "loose ends"... Whatever his final conclusion, he is not doing well. That's one thing RftA makes abundantly clear.

But then why are Phoenix and Franziska so angry, you'll ask me? Grief, of course. Why is Franziska adamant he still lives? Grief, of course - specifically denial. Why does Gumshoe know Edgeworth still lives? Several options. Edgeworth contacted him knowing he'd need someone to help him come back once he decided to come back, or Gumshoe is the one that prevented his note from turning literal, or Edgeworth contacted him at some other point for another reason - it could have happened at any point in his little mental health gap year.

It just makes much more sense to me than the alternative. Why leave a note saying he "chooses death" so unambiguously only to rely on a play on words? He was shown writing a perfectly good resignation letter right before that - the note was meant to be one step further from resignation. And why leave his loved ones in the dark, mourning him, for one entire year if he just deliberately left for soul-searching purposes? The man is obtuse when it comes to feelings, and honestly I could see him pulling this, but... not in conjunction with everything else.

And his arc just makes it make so much sense as well. Depression is often a comorbidity of PTSD, which Edgeworth has, as close to canonically as possible without it being spelled out. He is in an extremely fragile place psychologically - two months earlier his trial dragged him across the coals emotionally, his traumatic past revisited and revealed in an extremely public way. His quest for "perfection" was shattered not just through the losses he suffered at Phoenix's hand but through the sudden, deep and complete betrayal of the man who taught it to him. He only had one moral high ground left - the fact that he never knowingly forged evidence - only for that to be ripped away from him too. Of course he could be nothing less than unstable.

So anyway I don't have any fancy conclusion but yeah I can't imagine "Prosecutor Miles Edgeworth Chooses Death" wasn't meant literally. Even though I'm pretty sure that wasn't the authorial intent, I think it must have been somewhere in the works anyway, otherwise there wouldn't be so many hints to it.

#Ace Attorney #Miles Edgeworth #cw: suicide #Aza talks too much #Prosecutor Miles Edgeworth Chooses Death #cleaning my drafts a little today

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